Recent Blog Posts in July 2010

In theory, it is best when parents with minor children are able to work out a custody and visitation arrangement on their own when they separate and/or divorce.  After all, the matter involves their children/family and wouldn't they know what is best for their particular situation?  Not always!

I was recently representing a father of three (3) minor children in a divorce case in which he and his wife entered into an Agreement under which he would see his children every other Friday from 7:00 p.m. to Sunday at 4:00 p.m.  He entered into this Agreement in Conciliation Court, which is the mediation program that parents are required to attend in Los Angeles County before going into court on a matter relating to child custody and visitation.  For those who are unaware, lawyers are not permitted to participate in Conciliation Court. 

Before my client 's Conciliation Court appointment,  I warned him against entering into a Custody and Parenting Agreement that he would not be able to live with for a long time.  As requested, my client contacted me as soon as he left the courthouse.  During that conversation, he informed me that he had entered into a Conciliation Court Custody Agreement and Parenting Plan.  As soon as he finished describing the terms of the Agreement, I asked him whether or not he realized that he would not see his children for twelve (12) days between each of his alternate weekend visits.  I commented that most, if not all, of his children's friends will see their fathers on a more frequent basis, regardless of marital status.  I explained to him that his children will most likely assume that he sees them less than other father's see their children because he loves them less and that this would most certainly negatively impact his relationship with them.  After our conversation, he agreed with me that his children would most likely perceive their relationship with him in the way in which I had described, especially since he resided in close proximity to them.  He then requested that I file an Objection to the Conciliation Court Agreement and Parenting Plan.  As discussed in my article from the September/October edition of the San Gabriel Valley Psychological Association Newsletter, I informed him that the Court might refuse to acknowledge the Objection to that Agreement. 

I immediately contacted his wife's attorney, who had not yet been informed of the fact that they had reached an Agreement regarding the custody issues.  I explained my concerns to him and he immediately acknowledged the problem and validated my concerns.  I requested that he see if we could modify the Agreement to include some visitation during the week.  He told me that he would discuss the matter with his client.  Meanwhile, I filed an Objection to the Conciliation Court Agreement and Parenting Plan.  As an additional complication, the hearing on this matter was scheduled for the next Court day and therefore it was virtually impossible to resolve the matter prior to that hearing.  As a result, I suggested that everyone arrive at the Courthouse at 7:00 a.m. the following morning (1 ¾ hours before the scheduled hearing) in order to try and resolve the matter without judicial intervention.  Everyone agreed to my proposal and we were able to settle the matter outside of Court.  With the assistance of their attorneys, the parents were able to work out a parenting plan that suited their particular situation and which was in the best interest of the children.    

After entering into that Agreement, which was signed off by the Court and made into an Order, I received a copy of the Conciliation Court Agreement and Parenting Plan which the Court also signed off on, even though we had subsequently resolved the matter differently and I had filed an Objection to that Agreement.  Under the circumstances, the fact that the Court signed off on the Conciliation Court Agreement and Parenting Plan in that case is of no significance.  However, it is indicative of the fact that courts tend to disregard Objections to such Agreements.  Although I knew and had previously written about such concerns, it bothered me that courts sign off on Agreements entered into by parents which most certainly are not in the best interest of the children and will negatively impact the children's relationship with one or both parents. 

Over the years, I have come across many situations in which parents enter into Custody and Visitation Agreements which are clearly detrimental to the children.  Nevertheless, the courts sign off on such Agreements because they are "Agreements."  On several occasions, I have seen parents with multiple children enter into Agreements whereby each parent would have 100% of the time with particular children of the relationship in order to "avoid conflict with the other parent and to protect the children from being exposed to such conflict."  In other words, rather than learning to co-parent, the parents decide that it is in the best interest of the children that they have a relationship with only one of the parents and that their relationship with their siblings in the other parent's custody be severed.  Such a parenting arrangement is by no means in the best interest of the children.  Under such circumstances, the children not only need to deal with their parent's divorce, but also with the loss of one parent and certain of their siblings.  Although courts would never make such orders, they do sign off on such Agreements, thereby making them binding Orders of the court. 

Thus, while it is best when parents with minor children are able to work out a custody and visitation arrangement on their own when they separate and/or divorce, some parents need assistance in determining what is in the best interest of the children.  Without such assistance, parents can do things that are very detrimental to their children, often without even realizing it.  Should Judge's just sign off on such Agreements, without even addressing the possible consequences?  Who protects the children from such parents?

If you have a child custody issue, please contact Pasadena Family Law attorney Mark B. Baer, Esq. at Mark B. Baer, Inc. a Professional Law Corporation. 

At a party on May 8, 2010, I began chatting with a woman who told me the sordid details of her ongoing custody problems after she learned that I was a family law attorney.  Among other things, she informed me that the Court had ordered that her ex-husband submit to random drug testing after she convinced the Court of his history of drug usage and its impact on his fitness as a parent.  The Court also ordered that he not consume recreational drugs or alcohol within a certain period of time before and during his custodial time with their son.  She then explained to me that her ex-husband consistently failed to show up for his random drug testing.  She expressed to me her frustration with the system because when she would learn that her ex-husband failed to show up for his random drug testing, she would file the appropriate motion with the Court to advise the Judge of the situation.  She told me that she works in the drug rehabilitation field and that a failure to show up is considered the same as having received a dirty test because otherwise, the person would have shown up for the test. 

When she would go before the Court, the Judge refused to consider her ex-husband's failure to show up for the random drug test to be the same as a dirty test.  Her ex-husband never appeared for any of his random drug tests and the Court ultimately removed that portion of the Order because her ex-husband never received a dirty test. 

She then explained to me that her son's performance in school had declined significantly because he was not getting his homework done and would get to school late while in his father's custody.  She said that her ex-husband was unable to take their son to school on time because he would oversleep as a result of his substance abuse.  She had spent a great deal of money obtaining an Order which the Judge would not enforce and ultimately eliminated.  At this point, she was completely frustrated with the entire system and expressed to me that her son would suffer in the long run because of his poor performance in school and for other reasons associated with his father's substance abuse and the fact that the Court seemed completely unconcerned.  She did not want to report the matter to the Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS) for all of the reasons set forth in my Blog of May 17, 2010 entitled, "The Real Problem with the Department of Children and Family Services."  All that I was able to do for her was to express empathy for her situation, which I tended to believe based upon my experiences with such matters.

Section 3041.5(a) of the California Family Code provides in pertinent part as follows:

"In any custody or visitation proceeding brought under this part, as described in Section 3021, or any guardianship proceeding brought under the Probate Code, the court may order any person who is seeking custody of, or visitation with, a child who is the subject of the proceeding to undergo testing for the illegal use of controlled substances and the use of alcohol if there is a judicial determination based upon a preponderance of evidence that there is the habitual, frequent, or continual illegal use of controlled substances or the habitual or continual abuse of alcohol by the parent, legal custodian, person seeking guardianship, or person seeking visitation in a guardianship…. A positive test result, even if challenged and upheld, shall not, by itself, constitute grounds for an adverse custody or guardianship decision. Determining the best interests of the child requires weighing all relevant factors...."

The studies also show that when drug testing is ordered, parents generally comply with the order.  In fact, according to judicial officers, only 13% of the parents sometimes comply, 2% of the parents rarely comply and 0% of the parents never comply.  The factors that influence the rate of noncompliance are as follows:  (1) cost; (2) availability of testing facilities; (3) awareness of consequences/clarity of court order; (4) disputes about notice; and (5) concern by the parent that they would have tested positive had they submitted to the test.  Since there are numerous reasons for noncompliance, the consequences vary according to the facts of the case.

I was recently involved in a case in which the initial judge assigned had ordered that the "father to prove off medical marijuana, enroll in and complete after care program.  Neither parent shall use illegal drugs."  The case was then transferred to a different judge.  We had two hearings in the ten months following that order.  Meanwhile, the father had never proven that he was off medical marijuana or that he had enrolled in and completed an after care program.  At each of those hearings, I advised the judge of the father's failure to comply with the court's orders.  In fact, I requested that the court order the father to submit to random drug testing because of his noncompliance with the court order.  The judge refused to order the father to submit to random drug testing and removed from the order the requirement that he "prove off medical marijuana, enroll in and complete after care program.  Neither parent shall use illegal drugs." 

It is not an easy task to obtain an order that a parent undergo drug testing.  When such orders are made, it is in good part because the judge found that "the substance use posed a danger to the safety or health of the child."  Under the circumstances, it might be a good idea if judges were to actually enforce those orders.  In my case, the judge removed the order rather than enforcing it.  If the order was made because it was in the best interest of the child, how is it in the child's best interest for a judge either ignore the order or remove it?

If you have a child custody issue, please contact Pasadena Family Law attorney Mark B. Baer, Esq. at Mark B. Baer, Inc. a Professional Law Corporation.

My last Blog entitled, "Emotions Play an Integral Role in Divorce Proceedings and Therefore Must be Understood by the Attorney" explained that "the emotional impact of a divorce is as severe as that of a death in the immediate family" and that "most of the literature on the psychology of divorce treats divorce as the death of a relationship."  At the conclusion of that Blog, I stated, "It is horrific that 'both our court system and our culture at large' encourage people to make the most important decisions relating to the dissolution of their marriage, including but not limited to selecting an attorney to represent them, at a time when they are most vulnerable to making major decisions that they will later regret.  Yet, when people are grief stricken following the death of a spouse, they are advised to 'try and avoid making major decisions at least for the first year following the loss.'"

After I released that Blog, a family law colleague of mine in New York advised me of information he had learned at Continuing Education Course entitled, "Stress and Sanity in Everyday Practice."  A "Stress Assessment" was provided by a psychiatrist and based upon the Homes and Rahe Life Change score.  Although it was established in the 1960's/70's, that Life Change score is still validated by most mental health experts.  The "Top 10 List" for adults is as follows: 

10. Retirement (45)
9. Marital Reconciliation (45)
8. Fired at Work (47)
7. Marriage (50)
6. Personal injury or illness (53)
5. Death of a close family member 63)
4. Jail term (63)
3. Marital separation (65)
2. Divorce (73) [the score is 90 for non-adults]
1. Death of a spouse (100)

As can be plainly seen, the stress of a divorce comes second only to the death of a spouse.  Moreover, as mentioned in my last Blog, "when it comes to divorce, certain aspects of loss become slightly magnified."  In other words, the manner in which people process and manage the stress/loss caused by a divorce is more destructive to themselves and others because they are able to act out against the other person who was involved in that relationship.  The following are some examples "of the losses that are part of a divorce:  loss of companionship, loss of financial security, loss of a sexual relationship, loss of time with children, loss of an extended family, loss of status as a married person, loss of self-esteem, loss of friends, etc." 

The way in which individuals respond to loss is influenced by personality, family, culture, and spiritual and religious beliefs and practices.  The difference in the way society treats the grief from the death of a close family member and from divorce is exemplified by the fact that the United States Department of Health and Human Services - Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's website refers to grief as something that occurs "after a death or loss" and all of the organizations it lists which provide "information and support for coping with grief"  deal with grief stemming from the death of a close family member. 

If interested, a person can easily find a support group to help cope with the loss and grief caused by the death of a loved one.  Such groups can be found in local newspapers, through friends and family, mental health care professionals, funeral directors and through an internet search.  What is disappointing  to me is not the fact that the Homes and Rahe Life Change score has been around and accepted since the 1960's/70's, but that nothing has been done to alter the way in which people are encouraged to handle the grief resulting from the death of a marriage (or a non-marital relationship involving parents). 

How often does a friend or family member refer a person going through a divorce to a support group or to a mental health care professional to help the person cope with the loss and grief caused by the death of their marriage?  Instead, we encourage people going through such losses to handle their loss and grief in destructive ways by going to war with each other in the courtroom (the family law court). 

Due to the holiday and my birthday celebrations, I did not write a Blog article for this week.  Instead, I began the following discussion on the Discussion section of my Facebook Fan Page: "Should the way in which a religious leader conducts his/her personal life impact his/her career itself?" This is the first Discussion I commenced and I would appreciate as many people as possible participating in this controversial discussion.  If you are not already a Fan of my Fan Page, you must become a Fan in order to participate. The Page can be found at the following site: http://www.facebook.com/MarkBBaerEsq